Jessica Trainor, Mezzo-Soprano

Yeah - you read that right.

While I was out at Opera NEO, I embarked on a fun little five week experiment: how would it feel to sing mezzo for a while? 

Turns out...I really liked it!

I have spent the past few months really steeping myself in my technique, and learning new repertoire. And, you know what? It has been SO. FUN. I feel far more grounded and centered in this fach, and I really cannot wait to get some fresh recordings up here. But, for now, you will see a bit of mezzo and soprano featured on my site...such is the zwischenfach life...

My Relationship with Hope - Arriving in 2018

I usually try to post something really light and fluffy about the big accomplishments of this past year, what to look for in the new year, and include my favorite track of the year as a party anthem into the final countdown.

This year, it’s a bit different for me.

2017 was the year I decided to stop negotiating, people pleasing, and being chained to an immense amount of hurt and darkness.

Truthfully, this is a present I never thought I would see two years ago.

In 2015 and into early 2016, I found myself trapped in a dangerously abusive relationship. I still often hear the question of, “Why didn’t you leave?” With the advent of #MeToo, there are plenty of resources to identify an answer to this question – I’ll leave this TedTalk here that really resonated with my own experience (CW: abuse, guns, domestic violence). To distill it down to a statement, it was the idea of hope that kept me within the relationship.

It was that same hope that made me realize that I needed to leave and escape.

At first, I thought my life trajectory really was derailed forever – even though the physical, verbal, emotional, and psychological torment ceased. I had alienated my friends and family, and felt like there was this gigantic mark on my professional career. I had intense social anxiety. I previously thrived on extroversion, and meeting new and familiar faces: now I ran from it. I constantly asked myself, “Why”, with a hint of rage at myself for “letting this happen”. I couldn't see how this could possibly improve, and I rotted my mind with deliterious thoughts of negativity and self-punishment.

Hope wouldn’t let me continue with that dialogue though. Hope told me that things had to change – within myself and my life. Hope declared that without kindness toward myself and my experience I could not move forward wholly healed. 

In that small space that I created with Hope, I began to find the parts of me I didn’t know I posessed or had forgotten about. I found tenacity, resourcefulness, and fun. I found creativity, focus, a thirst for travel and new experiences, and forgiveness.

The most important thing I found was vulnerability – to allow myself to be candid and real with myself and other people, and to not be afraid of my emotions but to engage them, feel them, question them politely, and be kind to them.

I began approaching my life with an almost childlike sense of wonder - everything was new again, and I felt like I really could engage and create something new and amazing filled with those things I found in my conversations with this idea of Hope. When I faltered, Hope remained to push me onward. 

In 2015 until January 2016, I almost quit everything to move home – no more music, no more Boston.

In 2016-2017, I grew a voice studio from 4 to 30 students, performed in two operas (one as a principal character), started creative and career coaching, travelled to 5 countries, and met and got engaged to the love of my life (my biggest cheerleader and confidant).

I’ve learned a lot about myself in these past two years. While I feel more grounded and am certainly on the right track, I know that I am still growing and learning. I still have the ghost of my experience that visits me (though I am not bound to it). Rather than argue with it, malign it, and berate myself for it existing, I try to greet it with love and understanding, and to tell it that it’s ok, and that life has gotten better and will continue to do so for myself and for the people around me.

Hope continues to tell me that life will keep getting better if I live in the truth of myself, my values, and the love I have found within myself and for others. We cannot truly be whole and loving individuals in the service of our purpose if we do not love and tend to the gaps and hurt within ourselves.

If you’re still in the thick of your journey, I wish you the best on your trail in 2018, and know that you are not alone. The truth I found within Hope unveiled much of the wealth within my life, where I could continue to build and grow, and helped me discover the person I knew I wanted to be. Whatever truth you have found, whether it is Courage, Joy, Change, Grace – may you imbue it throughout your life, and sew it into the fabric of your present and future with this new year.

“If you ever lost every part of yourself, if you've left your heart on a lonely avenue: it will be only a matter of time before your life comes through for you.”

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If you feel like you are stuck in an abusive relationship (whether it is mental, physical, sexual, verbal, emotional), and are not sure how to get out, always reach out to a friend or family member you can trust. If you are completely stuck, you can find educational resources online at the following links, and reach help at the following phone lines:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-7233
RAINN - 1-800-656-4673
Love Is Respect - 1-866.331-9474
OneLove - Resources on how to identify unhealthy relationships, and how to help a friend

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My change could not have been possible without a tremendous web of support. I would like to thank:

- My therapist (who will remain nameless) for challenging me to actually speak to the negative voice inside of me.
- Colleen Star Koch, my coach, mentor, and friend who sparked a fire in me that has not stopped.
- My beautifully kind-hearted fiancé, Ilhan -  you will never know how instrumental you were in my growth. Thank you for always listening no matter sunshine or storm, and for being my partner and teammate in life. 
- My teacher, Dana Varga, who offered to house me in the basement of her home until I could find somewhere safe to live.
- My friend, Christiana - the first person I reached out to after escaping, and said, "I'm not sure what happened, or why I was the person you thought of - but, I want you to know if I was there, I would just give you the biggest hug."

CLIENT SPOTLIGHT :: Lizzie Short

I'm so thrilled to share a client spotlight as my second entry in Sometimes I'm Naked. Following the idea that there is power and growth within vulnerability, I'm aiming to share stories of people triumphantly overcoming different circumstance to live their passion or reinvent their lives.

Enter Lizzie Short - Over the past few months, I've had the pleasure of coaching Lizzie. She is delightfully funny, has razor sharp smarts, and a wheel house of talents. Lizzie formerly worked for the European Parliament for a year, and came back to the States to dive into the standard working world. Though she landed a few great jobs, none of it was really where she wanted to be. Lizzie heard about coaching, and decided to give it a full hearted shot - learn about her experience!

TO START, CAN YOU TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO?

Yes! I am Lizzie Short, and I do many things. Currently, I work as a tour guide on the Freedom Trail in Boston and as an actor. I’ve just started working with a group called the Murder Mystery Company, and I do a little tutoring and teaching on the side (I just got approval to teach a course at an education center I proposed on The Iliad and Dante’s Inferno!). I’m also a writer, though I haven’t found a way to fully monetize that yet.

WHEN DID YOU DECIDE TO LOOK INTO COACHING, AND WHY?

My life wasn’t going the way I wanted it to go. I had met Jessica when we were coworkers, and knew she was a badass making choices in her own best interest and was committed to her art and her career. When I heard she was coaching, I knew I had to get in on it!

 

 

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE JESSICA AS A COACH AT THIS POINT?

I had reached that critical point of understanding that ...

I wanted to change things, that only I had the power to do that, and yet – I had no idea how to make the changes I wanted that would better reflect my values in my life.

Enter, Jessica!

IF YOU HAD TO DESCRIBE WHAT YOU WANTED TO WORK ON OR CHANGE IN 2 SENTENCES OR LESS, WHAT WOULD THEY BE?

Creating a life where I was doing work that mattered to me, that I enjoyed, and that paid the bills. I also wanted to start taking myself seriously as an actor and writer and lean into some of the success I was having in those arenas.

AT THE BEGINNING, COACHING FELT…

….like I was whining all the time! And, I think I kind of was. But Jessica helped me get out of that rut – she brought a growth mindset to our conversations, looking for ways to say “yes” to opportunities I wanted instead of focusing on obstacles (which is what I was doing!).
 

THE LONGER I WORKED WITH JESSICA, THE MORE I REALIZED…

That I should’ve done this a million years ago/that everyone who wants their life to feel like their own should do this.

 

HOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED WITH JESSICA?

About four months, I think.
 

WHAT ARE YOUR TOP THREE KEY INSIGHTS FROM WORKING WITH JESSICA?

First, that I have the power to create the life I want – the resources, the strength, the ingenuity. 

I have something Jessica said in one of our sessions hanging on a Post-it on my wall – we were talking about my struggle to find enough work to remain financially stable, and she said, “Being an artist is 100% about finding creative solutions to problems.” I can’t explain it, but it was like a whole new dimension opened up for me – instead of feeling totally deadened and defeated about the prospect of finding more work, I began to approach it like an artist and used my creativity and resourcefulness to find work that worked for me.

I also learned the value of having a growth mindset, understanding that I can grow and learn and change. I also have come to appreciate how I can use my values as signposts and informers when making decisions (as in, “does choosing X correspond to/express my values? How or how not?”)
 

IN FACT, ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF IS...

I learned that I don’t need to freak out about things – that the problem for me isn’t the real obstacle, but how my anxiety/stress around the situation shuts down my creativity and keeps me from actually solving the original issue!
 

WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT THE PROCESS?

I like that it’s very oriented toward whatever is happening that day or that week. Jessica never dictates the conversation or process, but she always has a good suggestion for an activity or conversation starter if I’m having trouble coming up with something I want to talk about.

I like how natural the conversation feels - how it’s like having a partner to explore my thoughts with, and it makes the unconventional career/life I’ve chosen feel less lonely and confusing. It’s so so helpful to have someone to strategize with and who can see beyond the perimeters of my own experience.
 

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT THE PROCESS, IF YOU COULD?

Hmmm…I can’t really think of anything right now! I always like talking in person, but honestly, I feel like our phone conversations were so in-depth and meaningful that I’m not sure they could be improved.
 

WHAT TANGIBLE PROGRESS OR CHANGE HAS OCCURRED IN YOUR LIFE AS A RESULT OF WORKING WITH JESSICA?

Oh my gosh. Where to begin…I was in a pretty dark place when I started coaching. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and had had a pretty rough three years in terms of finding work that matched my values. See, even that last sentence is a result of talking with Jessica-before coaching, I didn’t even understand that so much of what I was struggling with was that I was looking for work that didn’t match my values! It was in coaching that I was able to identify my values and start moving toward opportunities that were actually in line with those. And wouldn’t you know it, things started working out! It’s crazy how your life can come together when you own what you believe and start making decisions based on your values.

When I started coaching, I was concerned about making sure I had enough work with the tourism company I’m working for. I was wondering whether or not to take a more stable 9-5 (this idea didn’t make my heart sing), or whether I should finally make a go of it with one of my true passions – acting.

Now, I’m in an acting class, I’ve got a role in a short film, I’m booking commercial work, and most importantly, I’m taking my passions and values seriously, investing in them, and through that, learning how to take myself seriously as an artist and go after what I want. How’s that for tangible progress?
 

WOULD YOU AGREE THAT COACHING HAS A SIGNIFICANT RETURN ON INVESTMENT (ROI)? WHY OR WHY NOT? 

YES! My GOD, yes! It’s your LIFE – there’s no time like the present to invest in yourself, and no better return on that (I think) then coaching with Jessica. If you’re feeling stuck, or lost, or don’t know how to get to this thing you want, or you’re not quite sure if this thing is the thing you want, or you just feel like you’ve been struggling and struggling and nothing is working out…talk to Jessica. Really. Do it. It will change your life.

It’s the first step to all the other steps you want to take.

THREE WORDS I WOULD USE TO DESCRIBE JESSICA ARE…

Smart, so easy to talk to, generous, wise, helpful, a great listener (I know that’s more than 3, but come on!!)

JESSICA IS EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD AT…

Helping you identify what matters to you. Helping you overcome an obstacle and change your way of thinking about things (for me, this involved a shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset – something I’m still working on!). She’s so good at hearing what you’re saying and helping you figure out what’s going on. She’s great at offering solutions, especially because she doesn’t until you’ve asked for them/she asks you if you’d like some. She also has an uncanny sense for how to approach whatever you’re talking about – she always seems to find the most helpful, most generous angle.

COACHING HAS DEFINITELY IMPROVED MY CONFIDENCE IN / ABILITY TO...

COACHING GAVE ME THE CONFIDENCE
THAT I HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE MY LIFE.

 

 

HAVING WORKED WITH JESSICA, IT IS OBVIOUS THAT SHE STANDS FOR...

She stands for helping people live their best lives. 

She stands for positivity and growth
and empowering others.

 

IF YOU’RE THINKING OF HIRING JESSICA AS A COACH, I WOULD SAY…

DO IT DO IT DO IT!! You have literally nothing to lose and everything to gain. Please make this investment in yourself. There is nothing more important than your life – why would you wait any longer to have the life you want? Take the jump. Make it work. You will see how your life changes!

WHAT ARE YOU HOPING TO ACCOMPLISH NEXT? 

I’m hoping to start acting in plays and films and finish a play I’ve been working on. I also am hoping to keep this mindset I’ve developed of not freaking out when I’m uncertain about the future or my finances, and also keep my goal in mind – keeping my artistic practice open to the unknown and uncertain and focused on process.

WHERE CAN WE STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR PROGRESS? (WEBSITE, SOCIAL MEDIA, ETC.)

Website: https://lizzieshort.squarespace.com

Social Media: Instagram, @lizzietheshort

Inspired by Lizzie's experience?

Welcome to the blog!

OMG. My website...and BLOG...are both finally here!

If you have made it this far, I am offering you a profound thank you. This blog (and really - my career as a professional musician), have felt like an albatross trying to take off...

I'm sure that you're wondering about the title...

In my journey as a performing artist, I caught myself (and colleagues) wanting to get it "right" so many times. By "right" I mean this - "I should have that day job while I work on my creative path" or "I should wait tables - it's great money and every artist does that" and further "I should have that stability until I can 'make it' in my creative field".

Getting it "right" manifests in what I've come to call "the shoulds" or attempting to perform perfection or success. We're so quick to share the successes, showcase joys and prowess, or defaulting to the path of "the shoulds" without showing what went into it (the work, the decision making, the good, the bad, the ugly...I think you get it).  In our age of pervasive social media, we are constantly bombarded by the show of success, happiness, and positivity.

We "clothe" ourselves in this so-

I wanted a space to show that our successes are only the surface level of the work of an artist or creative entrepreneur.

This is that space, and you can be a part of it, too.

It took a long journey to arrive at this point. It took me falling to the lowest point of my life, living in the basement of my friend's house, a leap of faith, new friends, old friends, losing them and getting some of the back, battling anxiety, therapy, coaching, education, and a whole lot of practicing and stubbornness. 

This is where I'll share that journey with you, and I hope it encourages you to share your story. You can do it publicly, or anonymously. You can do it through a written interview, or even a vlog. 

There is a lot of value in vulnerability, despite how scary it can be. In vulnerability, there is power and community. I'm not talking about a pity party - this is different. 

This is admitting to our triumphs, strengths, AND our struggles or faults.

We love to admit to the one, and omit the other.

But, by undressing ourselves, exposing ourselves, getting naked...

We find GROWTH through BOTH! 

You are not alone. I'm walking this journey with you, even if I am not beside you. I walk next to you, even if we don't share the same career path, have different morals, values, interests, political background, etc. I want to join with you in embracing and celebrating the struggle, the uncomfortable conversations, the "oof" moments, AND the victory, glory, and amazing adventures! By being transparent, vulnerable, and open, we can learn far more from each other on our life/career/artistic journeys, and maybe make our lives a little more interesting along the way.

My hope is that some of these posts will help you in your own path, whether you're a corporate femme fatale or an aspiring writer. If you are moved to write for this section as a guest, EVEN BETTER! Please reach out to me if you have a passion project or career that has a continuing story behind it, or if you have a personal experience you think someone could benefit from hearing.

Until next time!